She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
