this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
