i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
