fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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