it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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