I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
