my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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