Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Rumble strips road head = magical
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
