hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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