No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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