Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
