im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
