can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She bit a glass in half.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
