remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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