I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
