He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
