farters have to be the big spoon...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
two words: eviction party
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
