Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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