It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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