I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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