When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize