No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
