i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
