Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize