I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
