we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
