Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
