Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
