Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
