It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
