i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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