Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
