the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
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Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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