If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
