She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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