Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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