Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
