My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
