My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
