Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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