lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
