he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
