The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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