I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
