apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
