I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
