my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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