I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
