i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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