I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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