Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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