She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
