Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize