She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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