I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
