This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
