Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I fill condoms, not promises.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
