That's intense
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
