Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
