Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
