There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
