dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
