Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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