so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
