I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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